I have made $0 over the last 10+ months. I told myself for the first six months of my sabbatical, I wouldn’t think about money at all, which came fairly easy. At month 8, I checked in with myself and thought about making money this year, but it felt forced. As of now, I still have about a year’s worth of savings. But as October rolled in, feelings of scarcity and worries about money started to emerge. Upon further examination, I traced these fleeting thoughts to a lack of presence. By fixating on the future and on what I don’t have, I diverted my attention from the present moment and from what I do have. Gratitude is the antidote to this ailment. And what better day to practice gratitude than on Thanksgiving Day.
Identifying “what you have” can be defined as wealth minus debt. Your net worth is simply your assets minus your liabilities. But that’s only through the narrow lens of money. There are actually many more types of wealth and debt beyond just dollar signs.
Wealth is the presence of resources or things that you find valuable. Practicing gratitude helps to uncover or rediscover the wealth that you already have. It’s like when you reach into a pair of pants you haven’t worn in months and find a $20 bill. It was there all along, but you somehow forgot.
Debt isn’t the exact opposite of wealth since it isn’t the lack of resources. It’s even worse. Debt is something you owe in the future. It’s insidious because the cost of incurring it upfront is zero and all the suffering gets punted into the future.
If you’re optimizing for personal growth, a potential “life strategy” would be to maximize wealth and minimize debt. However, if you’re trying to be grateful, then use the reverse approach: hitting pause and taking stock of all the wealth you have and (hopefully) the debt you don’t have. You may find that you have more than you previously thought.
Types of Wealth
Financial wealth is often the default definition of wealth, but it’s just a transformational resource that we use to convert money into the other forms of wealth. You can use it to save time by paying for cleaners or Instacart. If you wanted to eat sushi, but didn’t know how to make it, then you could go to a restaurant. On the flip side, if you didn’t have such a busy schedule or if you knew how to make some bomb sushi, then you wouldn’t need as much money.
Having a wealth of time is not just about being young. You also need to have freedom to do what you want. In this regard, I feel incredibly wealthy. Every morning, I wake up at an ever so slightly different time because I don’t set an alarm. I spend my time doing activities that I want with people that I want. I might live a bit further away from Manhattan (cheaper rent), but it’s all good because I’m not in a rush. I have time.
In recent years, having good health has become vital to me. I feel the best when I’m sleeping well, eating right, and filling my days with movement. I’m biased because many of my hobbies are outdoor sports, but everything is more enjoyable when you’re healthy. Enjoying a breathtaking view on the summit of a long hike is predicated on still having any breath left. If you’re huffing and puffing to make it up the mountain, then it’s going to feel a lot more like suffering than adventure.
The importance of health is most palpable when I’m skiing. Skiing is by no means a cheap hobby, but it’s ironically also where I see the limitations of money. Sometimes I’ll share a chairlift with older guys as they compare their $200 heated gloves and custom orthotic inserts. They’re a bit slower to get off the lift and pick a wide groomed run where the risk of injury is contained. By the time they’ve started, I’m already halfway down, through the trees, or the moguls if I want my thighs to burn, with the same budget-friendly gear I’ve been using for years. I might not have the spare cash to afford fancy ski gear, but it’s fine because I don’t actually need it.
My relationship with relationships has changed over the years. As an introvert, I used to think that some things are better when done alone. I still cherish parts of the day when I’m by myself to wander both physically and mentally, but I’ve also experienced that everything is better when shared with others. We are social creatures after all. It’s literally in our DNA. It’s paradoxical, but I strive to be highly independent and highly interdependent. I don’t want to have to rely on others, but I also want to lean on others (and for them to lean on me). It feels good to be helped and to help.
The distinction can be found in the difference between needs and wants. If I need to, I want to be prepared to survive without any help from others. However, I’d much rather enjoy meals with friends, share a kitchen with roommates, and workout with training partners. It’s also better to learn and to work with others. Life-changing books have come at the recommendation from friends. My better writing is shaped by conversations and peer editing. Warm intros have a much higher success rate than cold DMs. There’s immense wisdom in the African proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
Two weeks ago, when I was in Boulder for a climate leaders’ retreat, I wandered around the woods reflecting on what my peak experiences have been. Climbing Half Dome in Yosemite in 2016 with near-zero hiking experience and feasting on eight Burger King entrees afterwards. Swimming with elephants in Thailand and trying to avoid getting trampled like that scene in Tarzan. Skiing steep no-fall-zone lines at Jackson Hole and Big Sky that pushed me to the boundaries of my capabilities. Solo backpacking the Na Pali coastline on Kauai. Surfing countless glassy sunset waves in Honolulu. These awe-inspiring experiences have been converted to stories that I tell and memories that I replay in my head. I know that trying to recreate these exact moments would be futile, but perhaps that’s why nostalgia is such a powerful feeling.
Knowledge is another form of wealth that’s commonly converted to financial wealth. Unless your job is rote and manual like assembling boxes in a factory, you are rewarded for your knowledge. But knowledge is not purely confined to jobs in the same way that education is not just schooling. Knowledge can be valuable and also have no monetary value. This is apparent when you ask your mentor for advice, mom for that recipe, and friend for travel recommendations. Learning, the act of accumulating knowledge, is a worthwhile endeavor even if you don’t get paid for it. A walk through the forest is much more exciting if you know the various species of plants and even nourishing if you can identify which ones are edible. A refrigerator filled with ingredients can be transformed into a feast if you know how to cook. Front row tickets to an NBA game is only valuable to the extent that you know about the players, rules, and strategies. The ocean can be a scary place to be in unless you know how to surf the waves. From the past 10 months of not working, I’ve come to appreciate learning for what it is. An infinite game that comes with abundance so long as you’re following your own curiosity and not someone else’s.
Types of Debt
I’m incredibly fortunate to not have any debt. I didn’t have to take out any students loans and I don’t have a mortgage to worry. But I’m not just referring to financial debt. There are other types of debt that I either avoid or try to pay off early whenever it occurs.
A simple, but difficult one to avoid is sleep debt. It’s scientifically proven that you can’t make up for lost sleep by sleeping more. If you pull an all-nighter and then sleep 11 hours the next day, it doesn’t reverse the damage that you’ve done. Even during the most intense finals weeks in college, I never pulled an all nighter and nowadays sleep without an alarm. Maybe I’m more sensitive than others, but I feel worse with just an hour less of sleep.
I try to avoid time debt by resolving issues as they arise. A spill in the kitchen gets worse the longer you wait to clean it up. I like the basic rule of doing any task that takes less than two minutes. By solving problems proactively or immediately, I’m able to prevent things from blowing up and also avoid getting trapped in a vortex of negative emotions.
When my friend bought his first property, I inevitably found myself in the comparison game. I even remember browsing other properties on Zillow in the same exact neighborhood. I didn’t make it that far and I’m glad. If I had, it’s very likely I wouldn’t be table to take this sabbatical that I’m on right now. At first, I felt a hint of jealousy that he was “getting further ahead in life”, but now I’m glad I don’t own any real estate. When we catch up, I hear stories about delayed renovations, maintenance requests, and frustrating tenants. I’m not sure if the financial reward is worth the cost in time.
When I tell people that I’ve lived without a lease for four years, the most common question is “But what do you do with all your stuff?” By not owning any furniture or kitchen equipment, I’m able to keep a small footprint which makes it easier not only to move from place to place, but also to settle in faster. I don’t pay for a storage unit and I’ve never hired movers. Even when I did have a lease, I always split a UHaul with my roommates. When I moved out of my apartment in SF, instead of trying to store or sell, I just gave away my only large item, my bed. It was a used IKEA bed that I slept on for three years. Time and time again, I’ve opted to avoid logistics debt and gone the simpler route, even if it means missing out on a potential sale. Plus it went to a student at my alma mater so there was a feeling of paying it forward.
Health debt is nearly impossible to quantify with so many unmonitored years of Sodexo school lunches and late nights in college. The artificial-flavored strawberry milk and Four Lokos might’ve seemed like good ideas back then, but now I can’t imagine going near them. I remember in six grade inviting my friends over to have a “Mountain Dew competition” to see who could drink the most cans of their limited edition flavors. That’ll probably leave a dent that I’ll feel when I’m 80. All things considered, I think I’m doing okay. I don’t smoke or drink so the debt of lung cancer or liver disease is mitigated. I eat mostly home-cooked meals and try to workout once a day. It’s Thanksgiving though so perhaps tonight I’ll incur a debt that I’ll try to pay off over the next few days.
It’s still not totally clear what I’ll do in the future to make money, but one thing I’m certain of is that I’ll avoid work that doesn’t feel aligned with me. I’ll only look at opportunities that I could see myself enjoy doing over a decade. By thinking long term, I hope to avoid identity debt, when short-term impulses trump long-term flourishing. I see this all the time with folks finding new jobs (or staying in current ones) even if it doesn’t feel right with their interests and values. It is a tough market right now which makes it more enticing to join any company that will give you an offer, but if you know already that it’s not the right job for you, perhaps reevaluate. In the end, all debts must be paid.
I am grateful
I may not be making money right now, and yet I feel wealthy. I’m grateful for my health, freedom, time, relationships, experiences, and knowledge. I’m also thankful to not have debt. Without the burden of owing things in the future, I feel lighter and open to what the universe has in store for me. I want to take this time to express my gratitude. I’m grateful for:
Joe for editing my running video, joining me on long runs, and buying me body glide. Not chafing is a great gift to receive.
Cissy for inviting me on a 16 mile run when I had barely ran 8 miles and being a great sabbatical friend.
Ketty for doing my laundry and cooking the dish I was supposed to make for Friendsgiving because I’m terrible at time management, among many other things.
Kallen for welcoming me as a roommate and joining me in our ambitious attempts to cook dinners for 10+ friends at a time.
The 78 friends who contributed to my fundraiser for autism research. Collectively, we raised over $3,000!
Mom for her unconditional love. Taking a chance on yourself is much easier when your family supports you.
Jon for being his unapologetic self and sending me many stupid memes.
Yix for her friendship and being one of my earliest supporters.
Kwak for embroidering my race day shirt with the logos of the local businesses who donated for the marathon fundraiser and joining me at yoga.
Abe for doing the On the Rise podcast with me, we’ve learned so much in the past 11 months.
Stanley for connecting me with a great group of friends in Hawaii and beyond.
Jesse for hosting me in DC.
Albert for reminding me of the good ole days.
Julia for her support and sharing Build in Climate with the climate tech community.
Sherry for telling me about Novitate and showing me what great writing looks like.
Those that have reached out to me to chat. I’m always happy to take these calls and always learn something.
Those that have offered me their time and taken my requests to meet. I’m constantly impressed by how curious and available even some of the most successful people are.
Those that have been vulnerable with me and allowed me to walk side by side with them in conversation.
The mountains, oceans, forests, lakes, and other parts of the more-than-human world that inspire awe in me.
My last job for funding this sabbatical. It wasn’t my Life’s Work, but still played a crucial role in my journey.
Podcast guests for teaching me about endurance sports, the gut microbiome, creativity, entrepreneurship, and much more.
Interviewees of Build in Climate, my climate newsletter, for offering their time and expertise. I’m just getting started.
The friends and colleagues who are partnering with me on guest posts for Build in Climate. Together, we can go further.
Readers of this blog. Thank you for supporting me. I deeply appreciate your time and attention.
Queenie for cooking up this Thanksgiving feast. Especially considering this is my first Thanksgiving away from home:
So, what are you grateful for on this Thanksgiving?
love this, thanks for sharing - very relatable and resonated a lot with where I'm at in my own journey! There's so much to be grateful for.
very insightful, touching read, thank you! please keep writing