#37: Authenticity is the compass 🧭

connecting the dots on keeping it real

Since severing ties to the corporate world five months ago, I’ve been wandering through fields of uncertainty. When I first planted the seed of quitting, it felt like I was the only one with these rebellious thoughts. I would gaze at my coworkers on little Zoom tiles in an attempt to penetrate their inner thoughts. Did they also feel like most of our meetings were useless and draining? Did they also question if our work was actually meaningful? For the longest time, I suppressed these heretic beliefs to avoid trouble. I hid these “what ifs” while blending in with the herd until I ran out of energy. The only option left was to leave.

Giving up my prestigious job brought emptiness induced by identity loss, but also afforded me the space to welcome something new. Finding other 20-somethings also figuring-it-out led me to discover that we were all made in the conformity factory. Automated manufacturing shaped us into commodified human machines. Standardized test-taking became as ingrained as walking. Precision sensors detected any irregularities and imperfections. “Different” was deviant and defective.

In many ways, jumping off the corporate ladder is the modern coming-of-age rite of passage. In the past, young men would leave their tribe to steep in the spiritual solitude of the wilderness. Today, a far less dangerous (but what can feel just as risky) version is quitting your job. Giving up the coddling, nap pods, free lunch, and cushy paychecks to chart the unknown. Isn’t it funny how we conflate “making a living” with actually living?

Wading through this hazy fog comes with feelings of being lost and hopes for step-by-step directions. But instead of a detailed map, you only have a compass. The quest of self-exploration relies on this compass of authenticity. Forged by our past experiences, values, and desires, it guides us.

I used to never think about authenticity, yet recently it’s been in the foreground of my mind. What changed? I suspect it’s because when you don’t have anyone (or any organization) telling you what to do, you have to figure it out for yourself. Let’s be real - I quit my job and I’m living off of savings. It would be a huge waste of money and time to not do what I want.

It’s easier said than done though. Doing what you want requires you to know who you are. The inverse is true too. You figure out who you are by doing things. I don’t have it all figured out, but I have noticed a few things. Things feel off when I’m not being true to myself. Forcing instead of flowing. Forgoing intuition for friction.

Months ago, when I was struggling to sit down and write consistently (mainly for my climate newsletter), I met with a writing coach who graciously gave me a free session. Her follow-up note addressed my imposter syndrome and gut feeling going against the grain:

I'm super glad you reached out and that we were able to connect! I think your project is going to be important and impactful, as long as you lean in to your own authentic approach, your voice. Don't try to be anything you're not, except where it genuinely feels like growth you are saying yes to. You are creating a space for yourself — only you can.

I’ve since re-read this email dozens of times. I have to constantly remind myself that professional, impactful climate research can also be fun to write and entertaining to read.

The other time, when I received advice that felt conflicting, I asked my older (and wiser) friend “What’s your advice on taking people's advice” and he responded, “know yourself”. This simple Socratic nugget of wisdom has since helped me sift through heaps of advice. Someone asked why I don’t charge any money for How to quit your job guide. Another told me I was taking my career break too easy and should get more desperate. In both situations, instead of freezing in contemplation, I brushed it off with ease. It didn’t feel authentic.

But what is it?

Authenticity is a loaded, heady term with its web of related ideas like self-discovery, values, and identity. It may be difficult to define, but we already know it’s important through how it’s encoded in our language. If someone lacks authenticity they’re being “two-faced”, “wearing a mask”, or “fake”. We praise those who “keep it real” and are “down-to-earth” because they behave in a rooted, pure way that reflects their true self. Whether it’s through music, art, cuisine, or ourselves, we don’t necessarily need a shared definition of authenticity to know that we already value it.

Why be authentic?

In the long run, it’s the only sustainable way to live. I used to believe in work-life balance, but now I don’t think it can ever be attained. Separating work from non-work creates an artificial divide that presupposes we want separation to begin with. Being authentic requires working authentically. I could craft my ideal workday hour-by-hour by muting Slack notifications and time-blocking my calendar, but that was just running away from a bigger problem. I figured out how I want to work, but something was still missing. I wasn’t working on things that were important to me. I needed to discover what to work on.

Being stuck in the middle is agony: to be ambitious overall but uninterested in going above and beyond at work, or to be unambitious by nature and yet feel pressured to become a full-on workist. People are happiest when their life is aligned with their identity. - Derek Thompson

I can’t say that I’ve found exactly what I want to do yet, but one thing is for sure. I am working much harder than when I was still employed. My unique ambitions are amplified while rest still gets prioritized.

I recently read The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin, elite level chess player, martial artist, and foil rider. In decoding peak performance, Waitzkin discovers that advancement relies on consistent presence in an environment highly attuned to your unique skills and interests. In other words, finding and staying your authentic self.

Those who succeed at the highest level, I think, basically manifest their unique character through their discipline.
…
I believe that one of the most critical factors in becoming a high performer is the degree to which your relationship to your pursuit stays in harmony with your unique disposition. - Josh Waitzkin

But from my experience, finding “your unique character” and “your unique disposition” is really damn hard. It’s easier to floppily drift with the herd than journey through the never-ending self-realization maze. But rather than tread water frantically screaming “who am I?” to the world, I’ve slowly chiseled away, bit by bit. Removal of parts of my identity or past behaviors that no longer serve me has been the most illuminating. Once I stopped tracking the stock market or angel investing in startups, new mind space magically appeared. Open fields of rabbit-holes to curiously explore.

Purpose — the question of what am I here for, existentially? — is a lot like a marble sculpture. It already exists, it is up to us, the sculptor, to release it from the unseen. - Sherry Ning

When you do less, the things you do become better, because they contain a more potent concentration of you. - Isabel

Do less to find more. To be more.

Throughout the past five months of unemployment, at times it has felt like I could be doing more. Or I could be doing better. I know people who started writing more recently than me and already have more subscribers. I know people who quit their jobs after me and are already making money on their own. But whenever I consider pouring more fuel on the growth engine or scour the web for monetization tactics, I always run into a wall.

Trying to outdo others has always felt like I was forcing things rather than welcoming them. No matter whether it was in grade school, at work, or even as an independent wanderer. Sometimes I would be the best at something, but even then it never tasted as sweet as I thought it would. I think 3rd grade me with a 100 on the test but only half-smiling must’ve been onto something.

What the pupil must learn, if he learns anything, is that the world will do most of the work for you, provided you cooperate with it by identifying how it really works and aligning with those realities. - Joseph Tussman

He who knows much about others may be learned, but he who understands himself is more intelligent. He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. He who receives his happiness from others may be rich, but he who whose contentment is self-willed has inexhaustible wealth. He who occupies a place provided for him by others may live a long life, but he who dwells in his own self-contained place, even though he decays, is eternal. - Lao Tzu

Don't aim to be the best; be the only. - Kevin Kelly